Lost Your Job? Get Over It In These Five Stages – If You Want a New One

They say losing a job is just like losing a close friend or family member.

I never believed that, a job is not a friend or a family member – it’s a job. 

That is until I started networking and interviewing people for my team. I was reminded of this the other day.

I was talking with someone looking for another job, though he’s only been in his current role for less than six-months. So, naturally, I asked him why he was looking for work.

BIG MISTAKE

I always seem to make that mistake, though as an employer, it’s not a bad thing to know these things. It could be the company is going bust, has been sold and the new management has changed the direction and vision. Or it could be, as I painfully found out yesterday, this guy just wasn’t getting any satisfaction.

For the next ten-minutes, I had my ear chewed up and spit out, as this job seeker complained about how much money the company makes from his hard work, and how little he sees in return. He ranted on, and on, and on.

“Don’t they still advise people looking for work to never say anything negative about their current or past employers,” I thought to myself, as the guy continued his horror story.

I just kept quiet, and let him vent.

What else could I do?

Here’s some complete stranger, coughing up the spittle of spite and angst in his life.

I’m just glad it was over the phone, rather than in person. I hate spittle.

Though I’ve had that too.

I’ve sat across the table from someone I’ve just met moments before, go on a verbal assault of their current or past employer.

And again, I just sit and listen.

Just Let it Go

I realized in these, and other similar situations, that losing a job really is like losing a friend or member of the family. It’s part of the healing process we all go through when anything traumatic happens in our lives.

When we lose a job, a friend, or anything changes dramatically in our daily lives, we all go through the five stages of loss and grief:

1. Denial and Isolation

At first we protect ourselves from the loss, by blocking out the world and hiding from the reality of the situation. It’s a natural defense mechanism that helps us rationalize what happened. And that rationalization leads to the next level.

2. Anger

As we try to rationalize and come to grips with the loss, the pain re-emerges and as we are still not ready to move on, we’re still vulnerable. Because we no longer can deny the loss occurred, because we thought about it, we become angry.

This anger may be aimed at things (like your car, house, or a pillow), friends, family, or as in the case of the job seekers I’ve discussed, complete strangers, like me.

We logically know the thing or person we aim our anger at isn’t to blame, however our emotions run high, as our memories of the loss bring back the intense pain, which makes us more angry, and we need to release that anger.

The best course is to talk it out with someone who'll just listen. It helps to just get it out into the open and off your chest.

3. Bargaining

Eventually, as the anger subsides, we feel helpless, and still quite vulnerable. We try to regain control of our lives by 'thinking what if.'

What if I had worked harder on that last project?

What if I had only gone to the corporate holiday party?

What if I had only tried to be a better person?

Naturally, you don't have to try to be a better person, and there is nothing you can do now that you've already lost your job.

This is our mind's way of constantly rationalizing what happened, while looking for solutions to the problem. It's the lack of immediately available solutions that leads to the second last, yet hardest stage. 

4. Depression

This is the hardest hurdle to overcome for anyone going through these stages. Some people never fully get through their depression, which is the ultimate hardship, because if you don’t get past depression, you’ll never move on with your life.

There are actually two types of depression we go through during the loss of a job, a person, or anything close to us. The first is the actual reaction to the loss:

I don’t have a source of income.

I don’t have a job.

I don’t have a regular routine.

l'll never see my co-workers again.

What will I do now?
How will I survive?
What if I can't find work ever again?

This is often dealt with through talking it over with friends, family or a therapist, all of which offering support and encouragement that you’ll get another job and be in a better place soon.

The second form of depression is the more private and sometimes harder one to get through. It’s that little voice in our heads still trying to rationalize what happened, however at this point, we are now starting to also think towards the future and trying to figure out how to say good-bye to once was. 

Saying good-bye to a job isn’t easy. It’s not like you can just show up where you once worked and start shaking hands as you make your way out the building. 

Security!

Don't do that.

What you can do is WRITE. It helps to write out your thoughts and good-byes in a journal, or even a letter or an email – just don’t send that letter or email! This way, you can actually say good-bye to those you worked with, your boss, your co-workers, even the office pooch if there was one. Some even write a good-bye to their desk, their chair, their stack of papers and projects -- sounds silly -- but it does work.

YOU HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

That's the hardest part -- finally realizing that your life is different due to circumstances which may have completely been out of your control, yet you MUST SAY GOOD-BYE to the life you once had, or else you'll never move on to the final stage.

5. Acceptance

This is the breath of fresh air that suddenly appears out of nowhere. It’s like a light bulb suddenly ignited into brightness overhead, as you realize you are whole again, and ready to tackle the world. 

You’ve said your good-byes, got over your thoughts of denial, anger, bargaining and depression. You’re now ready to look for your next job – or maybe you’ve learned the hardships of relying on others for a pay cheque, and will take the bold step of becoming an entrepreneur?

Take it from someone that knows. Not just from interviewing potential job candidates, but even I have gone through all five stages.

We all do at some point in our lives. It's the natural course of dealing with a dramatic, often sudden and unpleasant loss in our lives -- be it the loss of a person, a pet, or a job.

And, after writing this, it got me thinking. There have been job interviews that I've blown by going off the handle as I was still going through the five stages of loss and grief while I looked for work while in the corporate world.

I learned my lessons of grief and acceptance, and about work too. It's far better to risk it all and be your own boss, than take the easy road and rely on someone else for a pay stub.

But that doesn't mean I'll never go through the five stages ever again -- that's just part of being human.

A Tale of Creativity – How This Entrepreneur Brainstorms

I get many questions about some of the more creative aspects of running a business. From how I come up with the company name, the logos, even just the idea in the first place.

“You are so creative,” people tell me. “How do you do it?”

Quiet now, I’ll tell you.

Settle down.

Quiet I say.

Quiet is the answer.

It always amazes me how some people need to crank up their music, television, or even have some white noise in the background to think. Or how so many can go to a busy coffee shop and get any work done.

I’m completely the opposite – I need the proverbial cone of silence to brainstorm my ideas. I find coffee shops and public spaces so distracting, with all the people talking, using their mobile devices, or even just being quiet themselves, trying to brainstorm their next big thing.

I often joke, that I do my best thinking in the bathroom. Though as I write this, I wonder if that is more true than I’d really like to admit.

I think part of my tale of creativity comes from what all good entrepreneurs do before they settle down and get to work – remove all distractions.

Even for those not running a business, our worlds are so busy it really is an enormous challenge clearing our minds from all the chatter.

I find, by going off to a quiet and isolated space, I’m able to free myself from the world around me, and the creative juices start flowing.

Well, almost – it doesn’t hurt to meditate either.

I’m not talking about sitting cross-legged on a purple pillow embroidered in gold, in my bare feet, arms raised in a trance-like prayer state, mumbling some crazy chant.

I just close my eyes and breathe.

I focus on my breathing – thanks yoga for that lesson.

I try to slow down my breathing, and as I focus on my breathing, all the emails, text messages, meetings, phone calls and everything else fades away.

Perhaps that’s why the bathroom isn’t a bad place to brainstorm, unless you’re one of the many that uses their mobile devices while your pants are down by your ankles.

Sometimes I listen to the ocean, thunderstorms, or even the sounds of a forest. I use an app on my iPhone which has all these great sound effects for relaxation. I use SleepStream Pro, but there are many similar apps, or you can probably find these sounds online.

Though some people claim white noise is best.

I never got into the white, pink or other such colorful noises psychologists say helps clear a cluttered mind. To me, it just sounds like static.

After about 15-minutes, I’m relaxed and ready to brainstorm.

I start focusing on the most basic of whatever it is I’m trying to come up with. I ask myself: “what is the most simplistic way of describing this thing?”

I find, focusing on the initial idea, leads to more complex ideas. And from the complex ideas, eventually something lights a spark which screams out: “THAT’S IT!”

Granted, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes I have more confused clutter, as I generate numerous ideas, none of which call out to me.

It is that lone idea, buried within all the others, which must call out to me for me to use it. I don’t just settle on the first thought that comes to my mind.

I let my mind wander, as I explore all the thoughts which come to it.

That’s what brainstorming really is all about – letting your mind wander through many possible ideas, until you stumble upon that one great idea.

That’s probably how Steve Jobs invented the iPhone, how Elon Musk came to create Tesla Motors, and even how the Google brothers smashed Yahoo!

All great ideas come from letting your mind go.

In the quiet, away from all the other things which take up your thinking day.

That’s how this entrepreneur brainstorms.

And it could work for you.

Or not.

We’re all different.

Maybe you’re the type that likes music playing in the background?

But for me, my tale of creativity begins in the quiet.

Shush now.

I’m thinking.

Following-Up – The Single Most Important Thing You Aren’t Doing

I went to a monthly business networking event last week.

Personally, I enjoy getting into the headspace of someone other than me. 

Professionally, there are so many entrepreneurs either going through the same issues I am, or already having gone through them, they have learned how to solve many of the problems I encounter daily.

However, when I follow-up and actually call or email those I’ve exchanged business cards with, I’m amazed how many are glad I did. Not that I’m anything special and they were just waiting by the phone for my call.

I have an ego, but it ain’t that big.

Most are happy I followed-up from the networking event, because most people don’t take the time or make the effort to do just that – to follow-up.

Not that it takes a lot of effort, picking up the phone, emailing, instant messaging, texting or connecting with someone on the social networks isn’t like putting a family on the Moon. You can do all of those things from any smartphone – well, other than putting a family on the Moon.

Still, after the business cards have been given the once-over, and placed in each other’s respective pockets, often that’s the end of that.

According to statistics, 80 percent of the business cards we hand out end up being tossed out. Put another way, only 20 percent of your business cards will make it into someone’s filing system.

That is a missed opportunity of epic proportions.

Not that every person you meet in your 70 or more years on this planet will have anything significant to add to that life.

But how do you know who will or won’t add something to your vast life of experiences, when all you’ve had is a mere moments with someone when they first handed you a business card?

I keep all the business cards people give me. If I were to lay them out on the floor, edge-to-edge, I’d probably need a football stadium’s worth of floor space.

People change jobs, companies move and even go out of business. But that’s why following-up is so very important.

If you put off following-up, even more than a week or two, you may have missed an opportunity beyond your wildest dreams.

You never know, that pushy person that was creeping you out may know someone that can help you grow your business.

Well, okay, pushy people selling questionable products or services may not be someone to follow-up with.

Sometimes you just have to use your better judgement. However, for the most part, if you get a good vibe from someone, and do the business card exchange, you should make the next move and call or email them.

It doesn’t take much effort, the time invested is well worth it, and the person on the other end of the phone or email will be happy you called or wrote.

Ultimately, the benefit of reaching out to those you’ve exchanged business cards with is you’ll build a network of people that will help you grow your business, as you help them grow theirs.

This doesn’t mean selling them your products and services. It drives me crazy when I meet with people and that’s all they want to do – to make a sale.

Offer to help others in any way you can. And chances are, others will offer to help you too.

That’s the nature of real networking.

And that’s the best way to grow your business.  

Struggling to Find Work? Don’t Flip-Flop Hop-Skip and Jump Your Title

I attend many social and business networking functions, and I’m always amazed and saddened by the number of people at these events out of work and looking for their next job.

A handful of years ago, I’d guess fewer than 10% of the attendees were unemployed. Now, it’s more like 80% are either unemployed, or severely underemployed.

What shocks and horrifies me more is the reason why so many people are struggling to find work.

As I go through the LinkedIn profiles and resumes sent to me, I see many have flip-flop hop-skipped and jumped from job to job, to job.

I’ve seen several LinkedIn profiles where each person has worked for no more than four months at any one employer.

Traditionally, a work history with such brief stints at any one company would be a big red flag. A warning beacon about a person unable to hold down a steady job.

Today, it is a sad sign of the new economy, as companies of all sizes hire on short-term project-based contracts, instead of thinking of the bigger long-term picture.

Want a career, with benefits, a decent salary, and job security? Don’t come to North America – we don’t have that here.

Gone are the days when companies of all sizes – of any size really – hire qualified people on staff.

Gone are the days when companies hire people period. Most companies these days don’t hire anyone, instead they just contract out their work to temporary staff

Temporary staff – AKA you -- are only paid for the hours you work, so any statutory holidays you must take (because the office is closed) or you voluntarily take (so you don’t burn out) are unpaid.

The temporary employment agency that recruited you tells you, there is occasional overtime. However, your “employer” (the agency’s client”) tells you that they don’t pay overtime, yet they expect you to put in those volunteer hours on your own dime.

There is no job security. Your contract can be terminated without any notice, rhyme or reason.

And you are constantly lead to the promised land, as both your temporary agency and their client tell you they love your work, and are considering hiring you on staff, with benefits.

That’ll never happen. They tell that to everyone. It keeps you motivated, and makes them appear to care about your well-being, which they don’t.

They didn’t put you on a temporary contract to try before they buy. Nope.

They put you and most of the other unfortunate hard working folks around you on temporary contracts, so that they can get rid of you.

And they will get rid of you.

You’ve probably already gone through this routine, which is why your resume flip-flops and hop-skip and jumps around so much.

Despite my own understanding of this new world of work, I’m still hesitant to hire someone that hasn’t held a job longer than a couple of years.

Perhaps I’m old fashioned in my aging years. However, a piece of me also knows that many of those titles are manufactured just because.

I know people who have created their own one-person consulting businesses. They tell me they are proud entrepreneurs. They’ll never work for anyone else, ever again.

Yet these very same people change their title on LinkedIn and probably on their resume, every time they land a new contract.

That’s not very entrepreneurial – in fact it reads just like everyone else looking for work, as they flip-flop hop skip and jump their titles.

What’s worse, is it shows how confused and desperate many have become. So much so, that they confuse creating their own job, with being hired on a temporary contract.

So long as you are on any form of employment contract with anyone, you are not an employee, nor are you an entrepreneur working for yourself.

Instead, you are a piece of paper, being filed, stamped, and stomped all over.

So long as you are on any temporary employment contract with anyone, you are no different than a stapler, or any other office resource.

And that’s the real problem with our new economy of temporary contracted out people. Because when you’re nothing more than a stapler, and another stapler comes along, willing to work for less than you, you’re suddenly out of work.

Yet you’ve shown your commitment and dedication by updating your social media profiles, your LinkedIn, your resume, maybe even your business cards.

Don’t Flip-Flop Hop-Skip and Jump Your Title unless you really are an entrepreneur and there isn’t anyone that can fire you but you.

Having a work history that changes every few months isn’t very professional, shows a lack of judgement on your part, and could end up costing you your dream job.

And this is coming from someone that understands the new world of temporary work, and goes through a lot of resumes and LinkedIn profiles as I build my business ventures.

Want a Better Career in 2014? Find Your Own Way.

A new year is upon us, and many New Year’s Resolutions are already out the window. An American university study claims less than 8 percent of us achieve our New Year’s Resolutions.

However, if one of your resolutions was to improve your career, you have a slightly better chance of doing just that. If you heed my advice and find your own way.

Give up on the golden handcuffs, they don’t exist. Used to be, you’d graduate from high school, get a job, and be at that job for your entire working life, retiring with a gold watch.

Not anymore. Uh-na. Nope. Not unless you own the company, there’s no gold in your future.

Have you ever heard about someone making a million dollars working at Wal-Mart?

Unless you’re the CEO, or one of a handful of executives in that company, you’ll be lucky if you can make a quarter of that in your lifetime working there.

But being your own boss puts you all the closer to making a million dollars – and more.

Even better than the potential for a real income, comes the benefit of real job security. You can’t get fired by anyone when you are the ultimate boss. You won’t have to kiss another manager’s hairy butt cheeks, or worry about getting that promotion either. It’s your business, you call the shots.

Of course, being your own boss isn’t for everyone.

Some people like to be slaves to their employers. They enjoy being told what to do, how to do it, and for how long. They enjoy having to always grin and bare it, even if they can’t stand the person they work for, the work they do, or even the customers they serve.

Sounds like such a wonderful life. Here, let me get you a power saw, it’ll be faster to end it all with that than the dull butter knife you’re currently using.

Seriously, working for someone else is like committing suicide with a very dull blade. As hard as you try, it just never ends.

Don’t kill yourself slowly, embrace your skills, knowledge and experience and ask yourself, what would you rather do, than the job you currently do?

Don’t be vague. Don’t be ambiguous. Don’t be shy. Take a moment to ask yourself what you’d really rather be doing than your current job?

Then figure it out.

Piece together a plan with realistically achievable goals and then take action to make those goals happen.

It’s a long, tough road towards success. There will be failures along the way. Keep going. That’s normal. So long as you learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.

Not like making the same mistake most do, and keep working for the man, hoping one day, you’ll get that promotion, and eventually a nice Rolex.

The only way towards true success, is to do it yourself.

Don’t depend on anyone, ever for your income again. Unless you like working at Wal-Mart.

The Better You Treat Your Customers, the Bigger Your Business Will Be

80’s rocker Pat Benatar was onto something when she sang the song “Treat Me Right,” because that’s how you grow your business.

Benatar was referring to how her guy treated her, but the same can be said for any relationship, especially business.

Canadians are a funny bunch. When we don’t get treated well, we get very quiet, and at the first opportunity, dart towards the exit to escape the situation. Americans on the other hand, will make a mega-stink, yelling, screaming, threatening, until they get a discount, or some other perk from the freaked out store staff, hoping the hot head will just leave them alone.

That’s according to numerous studies where Canadian and American reactions to poor customer service have been studied.

Canadians, leave, never to go back again. Americans, yell and scream.

However, there was one common thread between both Canadian and Americans that received bad customer service. Both told everyone they knew about it.

Be it Canadians, crying about it to their friends for support, or Americans, complaining about their experience with their family, regardless of which side of North America you’re on, if you piss off a customer, everyone will hear about it.

Because of the Internet and social media, news travels faster than ever before. And bad news seems to travel the fastest, because none of us wants to go through the same bad experiences as someone else.

So, bad customer service can really harm your business.

But if you want to grow your business, having exceptional customer service will do just that. Your customers will turn into repeat customers, because people want to experience good service again.

Even more importantly, thanks to social media, the better the experience, the more likely you’ll get exceptional mentions on the social networks.

From positive posts on Facebook, excellent reviews on Yelp, and loads of great pics on Instagram – social media has changed the way we respond to good and bad customer service.

I was thinking of going for a burger a while back, and wanted to check out one of those new gourmet burger joints. I checked online for reviews, and found several good ones. However, one bad review went so far as to mention how the person handling the raw beef to make the burgers did not wash his hands when they served customers.

So, I decided although the other reviews were good, I didn’t want to get food poisoning, so I went someplace else for dinner that night. I have never been to that restaurant, and may never go, simply because of that one bad review.

When strangers on social networks can influence purchasing decisions, you’d better make sure your company has the best service par none.

Otherwise, you could be losing customers you never even knew you were losing – thanks to our always on, social media world.

Always strive to provide the best service possible. And when things go wrong, as they often do, do whatever is humanly possible to make it right.

I’ve gone places where my friends said they had nasty things happen, because the staff corrected the problem right away.

No one is perfect, so mistakes happen.

Fix them!

Your customers will be happy, and will share your good deeds with their friends, and that will grow your business.

How Un-Canadian: Canada’s Big Banks Are Ruining the Country’s Economy

Last year, reporters across the country salivated over the story about Canada’s largest bank, The Royal Bank of Canada (RBC), firing long-term salaried Canadians and replacing them with imported, foreign workers.

For the next couple of months, RBC’s public relations team fought back, claiming they didn’t know their policies were affecting Canadians, and that they would take steps to ensure it never happened again.

However, as a former consultant with many of the large financial institutions, I can tell you the practice of importing cheaper foreign workers had been going on for several years, and just like trying to quit smoking, it’s a tough habit to quit.

When I worked in the banking sector for some of the largest banks in the country, it wasn’t all that uncommon to see entire departments – hundreds of people – from outside of Canada, working here on temporary employment contracts.

When I worked for American Express’ technical division, American Express Technologies (AET) in Markham, Ontario, Canada, out of a department of almost 300 people, you could count on one hand the people that weren’t imported from India or China.

A similar situation reared it’s ugly head at BMO Bank of Montreal. When my team was re-located temporarily to the First Canadian Place BMO Tower, we had an amazingly beautiful view from our 52^nd floor window over Toronto’s downtown. And right across from my team, sat about 100 people from the trading help desk – all of them Chinese – except three other people on that team.

I mentioned to my colleagues numerous times that the hiring practices of that team didn’t appear to fit with the written policies and procedures of BMO Bank of Montreal to be a reflection of the Canadian population, and not discriminate based on race.

As with many things at big corporations, I was told not to worry about it, it wasn’t our team, so it’s not our responsibility.

However, when Canadians are put out of work because of unspoken hiring practices, isn’t it everyone in this country’s responsibility to speak up?

According to the Canadian Banker’s Association, over a quarter of a million Canadians work for Canada’s top five banks. The association also claims that 108, 740 people are employed by these banks in other countries. That’s 40 percent of the Canadian banking population NOT being Canadian.

By farming out jobs that Canadians can do to other nations, Canada’s banks are harming the Canadian economy.

Displaced Canadian workers are stuck looking for work, often being forced into short-term employment contracts with no job security, no benefits, and little chance of ever seeing a pay increase.

In fact, when you work on a contract for our Canadian el-cheapo banks, you’re lucky if you keep earning the same amount from contract to contract.

Every time my contract at BMO Bank of Montreal came up for renewal, I’d ask if I could get an increase. Obviously, they liked having me around because they were offering me another term. 

Most of the time I was told no.

Twice my pay actually went DOWN – they told me they didn’t have the budget to keep me at my present wages, so if I wanted to have the privilege of working for them, I’d take the pay cut.

Well, okay, they didn’t quite put it that way – but I did have the choice of two evils – take the pay cut or be unemployed.

What other company in the world rewards it’s team members for a job well done, by telling them they can keep their petty jobs, if they are willing to take a reduction in earnings?

Canada’s big banks are killing our Canadian economy by forcing more people into short-term contracts, creating an unstable society, where only a handful of people can afford to have a life.

The rest can be homeless and on the streets for all the big Canadian banks care.

Just so long as you pay your mortgage, and those crazy service fees to take your own money out of the bank, they don’t give a rat’s ass.

Maybe if we all started keeping our money in our sock drawer, instead of with the evil banks, then they’d wake up?