Handling the Unwanted Follower While Being Social

We’ve all been there – you get a message that someone you haven’t heard from in ages has just started following you on one or more of your social networks.

That’s great if you want to catch up and reconnect. That’s not so great if it’s someone like an ex you’d like to be just a distant memory.

Just to make matters worse, now this person has just sent you a message asking how are you, and if that rash ever went away.

What do you do?

Do you follow that person back, and respond to their message? Do you follow back, but ignore their message? Do you respond to their message, but NOT follow them back?

What’s the socially acceptable thing to do with real people from our past, now showing up on our virtual social networks?

Here are some suggestions and the various pro’s and con’s to each to help you handle unwanted followers on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and the other social networks.

1. Follow & Respond – Of course, the simplest solution is to just follow the person back, and respond to any emails or messages they send you.

Pro’s

• Time Heals All Wounds – Maybe they are reaching out to you on the social networks to re-kindle the fire, or simply just want to catch up. You’ll never know unless you talk to them.
• Discourages Hate Mail – If you don’t follow back and respond to any messages they send, they could send you nasty emails or messages back because they know they are being ignored.
• Could Be the Start of Something Good – You never know, maybe they could become a great friend, or more.

Con’s

• People Don’t Change – Sometimes people don’t change, and the person you never wanted to see again may now be all the more present online.
• Wrapped Up in Something You Don’t Want – If you follow and respond to someone just to be nice, it could back fire, and you could end up getting more involved in that person’s life – online and in the real world.
• Sends the Wrong Message – By following the person back, and responding to their email/message you could be sending the wrong message about reconnecting with them. They may interpret your politeness as a sign of interest.

2. Follow and Don’t Respond – You just follow the person back, but don’t respond to them in any other way.

Pro’s

• Getting the 411 -- You have the opportunity to check them out online, before responding to any messages. From what they post online, you might be able to figure out why they contacted you in the first place, and whether or not you want to reconnect.
• Miss Manners Would Be Proud -- You’re being polite by adding them back, and everyone should always be polite, please and thank you.
• Nip ‘em in the Bud – By following them but not responding to their message/email, you send a clear message about your intentions – that you’ll add them, but that’s about it.

Con’s

• All the News Isn’t Always Good – If you check them out, you may learn something about them that you don’t like, maybe they work at the same company, or are married to your boss, or high school crush?
• Nice Guys Finish Last – Being polite is great, but following them and not responding to their message/email could put you in an awkward situation. Sometimes, doing the right thing isn’t always the right thing to do.

3. Respond but Don’t Follow – You could just respond to their message/email and not follow them back.

Pro’s

• Knowledge Is Power -- You can control what they learn about you that they haven’t already learned about you from your online public profiles. And you can ask them how they are, and more importantly what they have been up too – which might give you an idea why they contacted you, or whether you should add them as a friend.
• Slow and Easy Wins the Race – Let’s you start off slowly reconnecting with this person, so you can have a series of messages/emails back and forth, so you can get a feel for whether or not this is someone you want back in your life, even if it’s just your online one.
• Ask Around – If you have mutual friends, you can send them a message/email asking about this person, to get more intel which you can use to decide how you want to handle them.

Con’s

• Flame War – Any contact with someone from the past could ignite old arguments, which can go on forever online.
• Stuff Online Stays Online – Once someone receives a message/email, you have no idea what that person does with it – they could forward it to someone else, or post it online for others to see. Things online never die.
• Will You Be My Friend – After any form of communications, they may just ask you in message/email if you will add them as a friend. Then you are stuck – do you respond with why you don’t, or do you cave in and just add them?

4. Ignorance is Bliss – Just ignore them. Period.

Pro’s

• Quick and Easy -- You’ll never have to deal with them again, as they’ll get the message right away that you aren’t interested in reconnecting.
• No Brain Pain -- Don’t have to rack your brain, trying to figure out what to say in a message/email.

Con’s

• Mutual Headaches – If you have mutual friends, they may ask those friends you have in common to contact you and ask you why you haven’t responded.
• By Other Means – They could become a stalker, trying to contact you by other means, say by on another social network, looking up your phone number, or worse – they could show up at your house!
• Could Have Been – And you really never know what could have been if you don’t even try. Maybe they won the lottery and want to take you out for a wild and crazy time? Then again, they may just want to know if the rash ever went away.