What “Friend” Means in the Era of Social Media

Stolen right from the pages of Star Trek lore, physicists in Texas are working on a way to make physical objects invisible by bending light waves.

Despite the similarity to the Romulan Bird of Prey cloaking technology from the 1960’s television show Star Trek, which hid these enemy ships from the Enterprise crew during battle, we’ve all had access to our own personal cloaking device.

Many instant messaging programs allow you to be cloaked, so you can see your friends online, but they can’t see you.

In Microsoft’s Skype, you can change your status to “Invisible” which allows you to see any of your contacts online, while maintaining your appearance as “Offline” – in effect, hidden from view, or cloaked.

This begs the question – why would you hide from your friends?

Perhaps the word “friend” has changed thanks to Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and all the other social media sites.

It isn’t uncommon to have a few hundred, or even a few thousand “friends” following your every post, tweet and hangout.

Used to be, you’d only really call someone a “friend” if you actually liked spending time with someone in the here and now, in the real world.

These days, people “friend” each other on Facebook, and the other social networking sites without really ever knowing who they are in the real world.

Many add complete strangers as friends, and then in turn, you feel compelled – almost guilt-ed – into adding them back – even though you haven’t a clue who they are.

For all you know, you may have added the next Charles Manson, or some other mass murderer as one of your online “friends.”

But don’t worry, the police probably won’t come knocking on your door.

The word “friend” really has changed thanks to Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook.

What was once used to reference people we actually knew, liked and in many cases loved, is now a loose and ambiguous term for the strangers we occasionally share random thoughts with.

We all have real friends – or at least I hope you do – that you can really depend on in a pinch.

They listen to us vent, share in our joy, and are there when we need a shoulder and a hug.

And some have been lucky to really connect with those online, and may even have some friends from their social networks they can vent, share and hug too.

However, for the most part, having a zillion “friends” online doesn’t mean you have a zillion people you can depend on.

But I suppose it’s nice to believe that.

Handling the Unwanted Follower While Being Social

We’ve all been there – you get a message that someone you haven’t heard from in ages has just started following you on one or more of your social networks.

That’s great if you want to catch up and reconnect. That’s not so great if it’s someone like an ex you’d like to be just a distant memory.

Just to make matters worse, now this person has just sent you a message asking how are you, and if that rash ever went away.

What do you do?

Do you follow that person back, and respond to their message? Do you follow back, but ignore their message? Do you respond to their message, but NOT follow them back?

What’s the socially acceptable thing to do with real people from our past, now showing up on our virtual social networks?

Here are some suggestions and the various pro’s and con’s to each to help you handle unwanted followers on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and the other social networks.

1. Follow & Respond – Of course, the simplest solution is to just follow the person back, and respond to any emails or messages they send you.

Pro’s

• Time Heals All Wounds – Maybe they are reaching out to you on the social networks to re-kindle the fire, or simply just want to catch up. You’ll never know unless you talk to them.
• Discourages Hate Mail – If you don’t follow back and respond to any messages they send, they could send you nasty emails or messages back because they know they are being ignored.
• Could Be the Start of Something Good – You never know, maybe they could become a great friend, or more.

Con’s

• People Don’t Change – Sometimes people don’t change, and the person you never wanted to see again may now be all the more present online.
• Wrapped Up in Something You Don’t Want – If you follow and respond to someone just to be nice, it could back fire, and you could end up getting more involved in that person’s life – online and in the real world.
• Sends the Wrong Message – By following the person back, and responding to their email/message you could be sending the wrong message about reconnecting with them. They may interpret your politeness as a sign of interest.

2. Follow and Don’t Respond – You just follow the person back, but don’t respond to them in any other way.

Pro’s

• Getting the 411 -- You have the opportunity to check them out online, before responding to any messages. From what they post online, you might be able to figure out why they contacted you in the first place, and whether or not you want to reconnect.
• Miss Manners Would Be Proud -- You’re being polite by adding them back, and everyone should always be polite, please and thank you.
• Nip ‘em in the Bud – By following them but not responding to their message/email, you send a clear message about your intentions – that you’ll add them, but that’s about it.

Con’s

• All the News Isn’t Always Good – If you check them out, you may learn something about them that you don’t like, maybe they work at the same company, or are married to your boss, or high school crush?
• Nice Guys Finish Last – Being polite is great, but following them and not responding to their message/email could put you in an awkward situation. Sometimes, doing the right thing isn’t always the right thing to do.

3. Respond but Don’t Follow – You could just respond to their message/email and not follow them back.

Pro’s

• Knowledge Is Power -- You can control what they learn about you that they haven’t already learned about you from your online public profiles. And you can ask them how they are, and more importantly what they have been up too – which might give you an idea why they contacted you, or whether you should add them as a friend.
• Slow and Easy Wins the Race – Let’s you start off slowly reconnecting with this person, so you can have a series of messages/emails back and forth, so you can get a feel for whether or not this is someone you want back in your life, even if it’s just your online one.
• Ask Around – If you have mutual friends, you can send them a message/email asking about this person, to get more intel which you can use to decide how you want to handle them.

Con’s

• Flame War – Any contact with someone from the past could ignite old arguments, which can go on forever online.
• Stuff Online Stays Online – Once someone receives a message/email, you have no idea what that person does with it – they could forward it to someone else, or post it online for others to see. Things online never die.
• Will You Be My Friend – After any form of communications, they may just ask you in message/email if you will add them as a friend. Then you are stuck – do you respond with why you don’t, or do you cave in and just add them?

4. Ignorance is Bliss – Just ignore them. Period.

Pro’s

• Quick and Easy -- You’ll never have to deal with them again, as they’ll get the message right away that you aren’t interested in reconnecting.
• No Brain Pain -- Don’t have to rack your brain, trying to figure out what to say in a message/email.

Con’s

• Mutual Headaches – If you have mutual friends, they may ask those friends you have in common to contact you and ask you why you haven’t responded.
• By Other Means – They could become a stalker, trying to contact you by other means, say by on another social network, looking up your phone number, or worse – they could show up at your house!
• Could Have Been – And you really never know what could have been if you don’t even try. Maybe they won the lottery and want to take you out for a wild and crazy time? Then again, they may just want to know if the rash ever went away.

Best Way to Grow Your Social Network – Be

Admit it, you want to be popular. We all do. Especially on the social networks, where popularity sometimes seems to usurp quality of content.

 

But don’t worry content – your day is here, always. Most of the time. Unless you post a picture of a cute cat frolicking in the flowers, or some motivational quote by Albert Einstein, or a picture of a hot chick in a skimpy outfit.

Damn those meaningless over-hyped content-draining time wasters!

Although those meaningless over-hyped content-draining time wasters get lots of “likes” and “+1” those moments are short lived.

Just as quick as images of cute kittens appear, they fall by the wayside for the stuff that not only will increase your fans, friends and followers, but keep them engaged and tuned into your posts.

So what’s the best way to grow your social network, against mind numbing cuteness?

Just Be.

Be Bold.

Be Brave.

Be Present.

Be anything you are, right here and right now.

By being you, just as you are, you are providing content online no one else can – you’re being you.

Think about that.

There is only one YOU.

(Unless you have an evil twin – then I can’t help you.)

But for most of us, there really is only one YOU.

And as individuals, we have our own styles, hobbies, interests, senses of humor, personalities, and most importantly life experiences.

There’s the rub!

A little lower. Ah that hits the spot. . . 

Life experiences even of those who attend the same event are different – influenced by each person’s own perspectives, education, biases and all the diverse things that make us all unique from one another.

Better yet, by sharing the bits and pieces of our lives, we engage others online, as we key into the personal nature of the information being shared, and that ignites a sense of closeness which you can’t get from some meaningless over-hyped content-draining time waster.

Of all my tweets, blogs and posts which I share on the social networks, the ones that get the most responses to are the ones where I’m just being me.

So let that be a lesson to you – just be you.

Social Networking’s Real Star Power

Everyone’s so busy attempting to gain more friends, followers and fans of their own social media sites, we sometimes forget the real purpose of social networking is to be social.

I was reminded of that this past Sunday, when I was watching a literal cosmic miracle unfold – live, over the very same social networks we’re so busy trying to grow.

Sunday night, I was tuned into a several live feeds of the Annular Solar Eclipse – one of the rarest forms of an eclipse, when the Sun’s orbit casts a shadow on the Moon, creating what’s known as a “ring of fire” visible from Earth. As I tuned into these live feeds online, I pinned numerous images of this amazing astronomical phenomenon, tweeted these pins, and shared these pins on Google+ and my other social networks.

Others commented, messaged me, or simply joined my threads, to view what I was seeing.

This struck me as what it really means to share on the social networks. It isn’t about collecting as many followers, fans or even watching your Klout score rise. It’s about sharing useful, interesting, entertaining, and as in this case, very rare beautiful images of natural phenomenon with others around the world.

One of the commentators of a live feed I was watching drove this point home: “this is the first time we’ve been able to share a live eclipse over the Internet,” he said.

“WOW,” I thought, “this is really something special!”

I’ve been Facebooking, Tweeting, Blogging and most recently Gplusing and Pinteresting for some time – but this was the first time it all came together to make real sense as to why I spend so much time on these social networks.

It’s all about sharing knowledge with others. But more than that – I made a connection with those following me that night, which bound us together, in awe as we watched the shadow of the Moon dance over the Sun.

We were all dance partners, enjoying the same solar song, at the same cosmic party. Sharing in the experience of something rare, wondrous, and wonderful.

We forgot about growing friends, fans and followers. We didn’t poo-poo those not following back. And we didn’t send out long chains of “@” mentions in the hopes of receiving a brief moment of mention back.

All we did was share our images, thoughts, smiles of delight, and amazement in this incredibly rare experience.

Finally! I understand the power of social networking.

Are You A Hard Person to Friend, Fan or Follow on the Social Networks?

You want more friends, fans and followers on facebook, Google+, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest and the other social networks – right?

Of course you do – silly! So why make it hard for people to add you to their circles, friends or fan pages?

Here are some quick tips to grow your social networks and increase your Klout scores.

What’s in a name – plenty! Would you follow back someone who’s name has several offensive words like the “N” word in it? What if you publicly respond to that person, than the “N” word is in your public feed for all to see. Not to mention, what kind of idiot refers to themself in such terms?!?! I don’t follow back these morons, and judging from their lack of followers, most don’t either. Avoid using swear words, derogatory language or suggestive slang in your online handles at all costs.

Don’t make following you a typing test. Computer security experts tell us to make our passwords complex long strings of letters, numbers and symbols to make it hard for others to break into our accounts. However ___r$ndman042K$lLeR may be great for a password, for social network name you’ll make few friends. Is that two or three underscores before the name? 

A picture is worth a thousand followers. Just as you shouldn’t use offensive language in your online handle, a rude, offensive, or questionable image for your avatar will also scare away potential followers. Sex may sell, but if you go too far you’ll be wondering why no one is following you.

Content is King. Before I follow back someone, I check out some of a person’s posts to see what it is I’m subscribing too. If all I see are meaningless quotes, or blatant sales pitches to increase my followers, I don’t add that person. Having a good mix of useful, interesting and engaging content encourages me to follow someone. And it isn’t hard to have interesting content – often just talking with your current friends and followers will produce that. We are talking about the SOCIAL networks here, so it’s not a bad idea to actually TALK to people. Having links to blogs like this, or your own blogs also helps. Sharing content from your other social network sites among them not only provides a source for content, but grows your followers too, because if someone likes your tweets, they are bound to like your posts.

Beggars can’t be choosers. I hate people who beg me to follow me, or use the Follow-For-Follow (F4F) attempt to gain followers. You know those tweets or posts that show up in your stream as “@heydude707 f4f me” or Followback. If you check out their friend/follower ratio, you’ll usually see that they follow back less than half of those who are following them. I ignore, and in some instances have blocked people that continue to pester me with these pleas. Don’t beg for attention, make me WANT to give it to you.

Follow Back to be followed. I’m not the only one that checks the friend/follower ratio – many others do too. If you don’t have a decent balance of friends to followers, I’m thinking that you may stop following me, or not follow me back, so why bother adding you? I’m not saying follow everyone – from this post you’ll know I certainly don’t. But follow those who seem like good, genuine people that have followed you.

It’s all about You. Although everyone is trying to monetize their online presence, don’t obviously be all about the dollar. I’ll follow business profiles, but only if their feeds show a real person posting real content. Remember – it’s all about the content. If all the posts are about the company’s products or services, or asking me to check out their website, I ignore ‘em like a kid given broccoli for desert. Sweeten the deal, give me interesting posts which I can share with my social networks, and I’ll follow you back in a quick mouse-click.